Bridget Jones's Baby by Helen Fielding

Author:Helen Fielding
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2016-10-11T04:00:00+00:00

SATURDAY 4 NOVEMBER

5 p.m. Just got back from baby shopping in John Lewis department store with Mark and Daniel. They always say if anything really bad happens you should go to John Lewis, because nothing really bad ever happens in John Lewis.

—

Mark was holding a huge pile of baby books and a box of muslin baby blankets that said “Huggy Swaddle.”

“Swaddling?” said Daniel incredulously, holding a miniature Chelsea football outfit. “You’re into swaddling?”

“It can be effective,” said Mark, with the air of an expert witness who had been called on to advise on military intervention versus peacekeeping, “if it’s not too tight.”

“…and you’re an Egyptian peasant in the fourth century B.C.”

“It promotes sleep,” said Mark, picking up a wipe-warmer, as if hardly aware of Daniel’s presence.

“What? When they’re strapped to a board? Isn’t that a little Abu Ghraib?”

“Yes, you have no sense whatsoever as to what is and isn’t appropriate in terms of what you apparently consider a ‘joke.’ Presumably, you would have the child screaming all night till he falls asleep, drunk on teaspoons of whiskey.”

“You take that back!”

—

They were quickly removed from the store by the John Lewis security team. Nothing bad is ever allowed to happen in John Lewis. Sadly, it is not so everywhere.

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