Charming by Jade Linwood

Author:Jade Linwood
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fantasy
Publisher: Solaris
Published: 2023-05-09T00:00:00+00:00

The Lady, the Dragon

and the Ruby Necklace

The town of Dornslatz, seat of the Grand Dukes of Eingeten, is tiny, steep and almost absurdly pretty. Cobbled streets wind uphill between picturesquely crooked but sturdily built houses of silvery stone. The town is overlooked by the Grand Ducal Residence, a small castle so spiky with slim, flag-topped towers that it looks like a hedgehog has run through some bunting. All around are lush forests, fruit-dotted orchards and fields like a patchwork quilt made by a loving grandmother. The only uncomfortable note is provided by the brutal jab of mountain that looms above it all, stark as a bone.

“Nice place,” Charming said. “Be a shame if it got burned.”

Roland sniffed. “’Sall right, if you like that sort of thing.”

“You have no taste, you know that?” Charming said.

“I have taste. Just not the same as your taste,” Roland pointed out. He sniffed again and turned around, like a short, ugly weathercock, then pointed. “Look, over there.”

In the distance was a blackened field and a rising column of smoke.

“Ah. The dragon, you think?”

“Looks like it.”

“So what do you know about this place?”

“Bugger all,” Roland said, cheerfully.

“Seriously?”

“The whole place is about the size of a giant’s hanky. Not one of the big giants, neither. What d’you expect me to have heard about it? No important wars, no notable plagues, no raging tyrants. Dull as a plain pudding until the dragon turned up. But now they’re suddenly living in interesting times. The Duke was already in mourning, now he’s scared for his people, he’s scared for his daughter, all his choices are bad ones. Talk fast, be reassuring, do that noble but caring thing you’re so good at, he should be an easy mark.”

“Don’t say that. I hate it when you say that.”

“What, calling someone a ‘mark’? What d’you want me to call ’im? The target? The victim?”

“You just make it sound so... nasty.”

“It is nasty. Suddenly you’ve a problem with nasty?”

Charming pouted and kicked at a cobblestone. “It’s not like I don’t have a reason.”

“Said every thief ever,” Roland said. “Always got a reason. Are we doing this or not?”

“Yes, we’re doing it.”

“Good. Let’s go take advantage of the grieving widower.”

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” Charming said, straightening up. “You’re trying to provoke me so I’ll get rid of you. Not happening, Roland.”

Roland grinned, nastily. “Worth a try.”

“I still feel really uncomfortable, you know,” Charming said.

“Don’t worry,” Roland said. “You’ll talk yourself out of it soon enough. Come on, beast.”

The Mostly Donkey complained its way up the hill towards the castle, farting extravagantly and leaving several piles of droppings so extremely sulphurous that even the town’s dogs and dung collectors avoided them.

The guards snapped to attention, their spears crossed before the gate. Their uniforms were an eye-watering combination of purple and yellow, their hats befeathered, and their boots extremely shiny. Under all of this frivolity, however, could be seen a rather impressive collection of muscles and scars. “Good morning,” Charming said, beaming. “We’re here for an audience with His Royal Highness the Grand Duke.

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