Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships by Lauren Fogel Mersy & Jennifer A. Vencill

Author:Lauren Fogel Mersy & Jennifer A. Vencill [Mersy, Lauren Fogel & Vencill, Jennifer A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Beacon Press
Published: 2023-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

BREATHING AND GROUNDING EXERCISES

Grounding is any resource or practice that helps us become aware of our surroundings and the present moment. For some people, grounding literally involves placing their bare feet on the ground. In general, though, it’s about orienting our minds toward our physical sensations via some combination of sight, smell, touch, sound, and taste. This is an effort to activate our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS)—the rest-and-digest branch—to create a sense of calm and presence. (For a refresher on the important branches of our nervous system, revisit chapter 4.)

One of the most direct ways to stimulate the PNS is to notice our breathing. When we inhale, we activate our sympathetic nervous system. When we exhale, we activate our parasympathetic nervous system. When our inhale and exhale are balanced, a sense of regulation and calm results. Extending our exhalation can stimulate the PNS response. Breathing deeply from the diaphragm is a commonly used strategy. The diaphragm is located just below our lungs and is the muscle associated with respiration. In deep, diaphragmatic breathing, your shoulders and chest will remain still while your stomach will visibly inflate like a balloon with each inhale and completely deflate with each exhale. Note that the stomach goes in the opposite direction of your breath (the stomach goes out when breathing in and in when breathing out). You can try this exercise standing up, sitting, or lying down. If standing or sitting, you can place your hand on your stomach and feel the inflation and deflation happen as you breathe. If lying down, you can place your hand or a light object on your stomach, like a paperback book, and watch as it rises and falls with each inhale and exhale.

Another way to practice intentional breathing with a prolonged exhale is the 4–7–8 technique. As you slowly inhale, you’ll count to four, then hold your breath for a count of seven, and then exhale over eight counts. A third breathing technique is box breathing, which involves inhaling for a count of four, holding the breath for a count of four, exhaling as you count to four, and then holding it again for a count of four. You can repeat this a few times and then check in with your body.

As with anything, please only do what works for you. Some people experience more agitation or anxiety with mindful breathing, rather than less. In that case, it can help to practice grounding in other ways, such as focusing on your environment and surroundings. An example of this is the 5–4–3–2–1 technique: this is a grounding exercise that involves looking around you and naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This can help us get out of our heads and focus on what’s surrounding us in the moment. As you try some of the exercises and suggestions throughout this book, it can be helpful to have a breathing or grounding technique to come back to if you find yourself in a stress response.

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