Easy Does It, Mom by Barbara Joy

Author:Barbara Joy
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781609250768
Publisher: Mango Media

Is There such a Thing as Too Much Praise?

Do you believe that you should praise your child as much as possible? It sounds like a good idea. I imagine that you would have loved to have been praised more when you were a child. I understand that.

Praise that is genuine and heartfelt is good for your child. But some parents praise too much and too often. Let's look at what can happen when you praise too much. If you praise your children for everything they do, by the time they are three, or four, or five, they may not only expect praise, they may rely on it. If you don't praise them, they may think they have failed. They may end up thinking, “Something is wrong because mom is not telling me that I did a good job.”

Have you ever heard your child ask, while coloring a picture, “Mommy, is this right? Is this good? Am I doing good?” Children may go on and on like this until you finally comment just to shut them up. They have learned to depend on your judgment, your opinion of their project, instead of simply enjoying the coloring. They are giving away a part of their power that you really don't want to take from them.

Some moms find themselves praising too much or too often. You may want to make up for the time, while in your addiction, when you were not there for your child. Children are unlikely to build healthy self-esteem when they are praised too much. They see right through your words. They may lose trust in any person who heaps on praise indiscriminately. They begin to doubt the words, not knowing what to believe and what not to believe. Instead of becoming more independent as they get older, they become more dependent on you.

Encouragement and praise are not the same. If we praise too much, we take away from the child's experience. For example, your child comes home with a “good” report card. Instead of saying, “I am so proud of you. You are the smartest kid I know.” Try saying, “You must be proud of yourself. Your grades show that you have worked very hard.” This allows children to feel proud of their accomplishment regardless of how you feel.

Imagine you are in an art class. You've been working on a painting for many weeks. I come walking in and say, “What a beautiful painting. I really like it. You are certainly the most talented artist in this class.” What does that feel like? You may think, “What's so beautiful about it? I know that I am not the best artist in the class.” Maybe you are not yet satisfied with the painting, but, because I approve, you dismiss your own thoughts and take on mine. But what if I walk in and say, “Tell me how you're doing with this painting?” My opinions or judgments are not involved. This gives you the opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings about your work.

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