Finding the Edge by Karen Chen

Author:Karen Chen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2017-10-09T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 13

MAKING MY MARK

I WAS BRIEF AND TO THE POINT WHEN REPORTERS in Greensboro, North Carolina, asked me about my goals for that week’s 2015 US Figure Skating Championships. It was going to be my senior-level debut, one year after withdrawing from the junior competition.

“The podium,” I said.

Everyone probably thought I was insane, or delusional, or a naive little kid. But I was ready to let myself skate and see what happened. My words were true because I really believed a top-three finish was possible, never mind what the past year had wrought. Yes, I’d had to recover from a devastating injury. And yes, to build my muscle back, clear my head, and focus my intention, I’d decided to return to my home rink in Fremont for a while. You have to do what you need to in order to get your mind right.

I suppose I can understand everyone’s skepticism, because it’s not like they had X-ray vision; they couldn’t see the fierce competitor inside me. And my results throughout 2014, as I’d worked my way back from the broken foot, hadn’t demonstrated that I was ready to win. I’d had silver- and bronze-medal skates during the Junior Grand Prix circuit, but since I hadn’t qualified for the Grand Prix Final, I didn’t earn an automatic bye into the national championships. I had entered and won the Pacific Coast Sectional—my lone victory of 2014—to qualify.

In my mind, I was using those 2014 competitions as tune-ups. I hadn’t skated my best, but I’d skated pretty well as the season grew longer and I grew healthier. What no one could have known was how much confidence I gained with every skate. I loved skating both my short and long programs, and the music moved and motivated me every time. I understood the depths from which I had to climb, and I was ready to climb them. And if I skated my short program at nationals the way I’d visualized it, the way I felt the music moving through me on the ice, it would be a worthy senior-stage debut. My music choice, “Requiem for a Tower,” mirrored my emotional state from the past year. Foreboding, it begins, almost like the ticking clock of a bomb. Then the strings kick in, slowly but steadily gaining power and strength. Then the restless opening gives way to a triumphant close. My footwork, jumps, and spins would harness all my energy to embody that final fearlessness and fight. With every cut of my blade, each turn on my edge, each spiral and rotation, I would skate to overwhelm the cacophony of naysayers and doubters. On the ice, with this music, my spirit would surge. I would soar.

Going into the national championships, I was the newbie. I didn’t feel the pressure of expectation because virtually no one expected anything out of me. It had been a few years since I’d won the novice title as a twelve-year-old, and by now I was fifteen and shaking off rust and an injury.

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