Golden by Asa Soltan

Author:Asa Soltan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: North Star Way

The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.

—GEORGE SANTAYANA

Step 2—Release Your Trigger

No matter what your parents did (or didn’t do) to create this trigger, remember that they tried their best to be good parents to you. Our generation is so much more emotionally analytical and in tune with these dynamics than our parents. They rarely thought about things like patterns and triggers—they were just trying to get through the day and put food on the table! And as they were doing that, they never took the time to identify their own triggers and the patterns they inherited from their parents. And what about their parents? They never separated themselves from their parents’ patterns, either. And on it goes, all the way up your family tree. Some of these issues have probably been in your family for many generations.

But guess what, babe? You have the power to end this negative pattern once and for all—not only for you, but also for the sake of your children and your children’s children and your children’s children’s children! Think about all of the people you’ll be helping by taking the time to put a stop to this negativity once and for all.

Close your eyes and think about your grandparents on both sides of your family. What were they like? What were their biggest challenges and obstacles? For many of us, our grandparents grew up in a time when they had to fight every day for their survival because of war, poverty, or the Great Depression. What did this do to them?

Now picture your mom and dad as children. What was their relationship with their parents (your grandparents) like? If you don’t know the answers or never had a chance to get to know your grandparents, take some time to ask your parents about them. The more you learn about your parents’ childhoods, the more you’ll understand where their issues and limitations stem from.

What you’re really doing here is finding compassion for your parents. When you do this, the trigger starts to lose its power because you see that it has nothing to do with you. It’s not your problem; it’s theirs.

This happened for me when I realized that my parents’ inactivity had nothing to do with me. It was actually my boy Reza who first helped me see this. We were talking about my childhood and how my parents escaped from Iran when he asked me, “Do you know how much strength they must have had to get you out of that situation?” I paused for a moment, intrigued. I had never thought about it that way before. “Babe,” Reza continued, “your parents are thugs.”

This was a huge lightbulb moment for me. I already knew that everything my parents had gone through was crazy. It was the kind of stuff that could ruin someone for life. I was keenly aware of how much my parents had sacrificed for me, but I never realized how strong they had to be in order to do it.

I realized that maybe this was why they were so passive and slow to take action in their lives now.

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