Love, Lucy by Lucille Ball

Author:Lucille Ball
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 1997-10-02T00:00:00+00:00

One night soon after we were married, Desi and I had a long, loud fight. The next morning I got out of bed at dawn and walked outside the ranch house. We had a brand-new station wagon parked there. I took a hammer and walked around the new car, smashing every window. What satisfaction that was! Then I telephoned Andy Hickox and told him to get it fixed at my expense.

There isn’t that much business managers don’t know about their clients. To me, Andy personified cool, impartial judgment. He never took sides in our arguments, since we were both his clients. So one day I phoned Andy and told him to come out to the ranch at eight o’clock that evening.

Desi and I were still at dinner when he came; he joined us for dessert and coffee. “Now let’s move into the den,” I directed. “Andy, you sit here between Desi and me.” We all got settled comfortably and Desi said impatiently, “Okay, Lucy, now what? What’s thees all about? How come you asked Andy?”

“We’re going to have one of our arguments,” I explained calmly to Desi. “And Andy’s going to sit here and referee. Okay, let’s start.”

A complete silence fell. Desi shook his head in bewilderment. Then he started to laugh. Then quiet little Andy broke into guffaws. All three of us sat roaring with laughter. Then Andy said good night and left.

In those early years, our fights were a kind of lovemaking. Desi and I enjoyed them, but they exhausted our friends and family, I’m afraid. Desi even went to Lela Rogers and asked her help in pleasing me. And often I phoned DeDe at three a.m. to recite our latest, loudest, and most passionate fight. DeDe, like our business manager, tried never to take sides, but just the listening, she said, wore her out.

My usual complaint was that Desi only worked at marriage in spurts. I don’t believe he ever really intended to settle down and become a good, steady, faithful husband. He said I was much too jealous, and so the arguments roared on and on. But we remained very deeply and passionately in love.

Our rumpus room at the ranch was an early monument to our battles. As Desi once explained to reporter Eleanor Harris, “During that first year of our marriage, every time Lucy and I fought, I packed my clothes and moved to a Hollywood hotel. Once there, I unpacked, had my clothes pressed, made up with Lucy, repacked, went home—and had to get my clothes pressed all over again! Repeated endless times, this becomes a highly expensive business; finally, I figured out that it would be a lot cheaper to build myself a glorified doghouse right on our own grounds. Then, after a fight, I could move all my clothes on their hangers from one closet to another. Well, that’s how I built our big rumpus house with its main room, bathroom, and kitchen. Grandpa Freddy Hunt helped me shingle the roof. For years, it was our pet place to give parties.

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