Salbine's Embrace by Sarah Ettritch

Author:Sarah Ettritch [Ettritch, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Lgbt, Lesbian, Fantasy, General, Coming of Age
ISBN: 9781927369593
Google: xK2uDwAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1927369592
Publisher: Norn Publishing
Published: 2019-09-09T21:00:00+00:00

*****

Lillian strode up the chapel’s central aisle, wincing at the hunched figure sitting near the front. She wasn’t any good at this, but she’d try. She sat next to Maddy but didn’t take her hand. Maddy’s head was bowed and her eyes closed. Lillian was prepared to wait silently for hours, if necessary, but Maddy raised her head. Her red-rimmed eyes made Lillian wince again. “I thought I might find you here.”

“Why would I be here?” Maddy said softly. “Because I should be stronger than this. I should honour my vows. I should care about Salbine above everything else.”

“You shouldn’t love those around you? When a sister’s consort passes into Salbine’s realm, she shouldn’t grieve?”

“I was supposed to leave it all behind. No children. No distractions.”

Lillian snorted. “Of course there are distractions. When we entered the Order, we didn’t die, Maddy. We still have our interests. We still want to learn. We don’t sit in the chapel from morning to night, praying. We drink cider and gossip and sometimes get angry with each other, and if we weren’t meant to love, we wouldn’t take consorts. You couldn’t have left Emmey behind. It isn’t who you are.”

“You wanted us to leave her.”

Lillian shifted on the bench. “Yes, well, it’s a good thing you don’t always listen to me.”

Maddy raised her brows.

“I know you’re going to feel terrible for a while, perhaps a long while. I see it already. But you’ll do what you always do. Muck in. Help folk. You can’t not help folk. It’s the reason Emmey’s here. I’ll let you mope around for a bit, but then I’ll keep reminding you of who you are. You saved Emmey. Now she’ll go on with her life without us.” Lillian swallowed. “I’ll miss her too. I wish she could stay too. But she can’t, so we have to let her go and wish her well and one day, we’ll realize we’ve thought about her and laughed, not cried.”

When Maddy’s hand covered hers, she grasped it and held onto Maddy’s fingers. “It won’t be easy. But somehow, we’ll muddle through to the other side.”

Maddy laid her head on Lillian’s shoulder. “Thank you for not trying to buck me up with empty words.”

“If you want someone to tell you it will be all right for you to wallow, you’ll have to find someone else to talk to.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I need you.” Maddy paused. “After Emmey’s gone, I want to go to Heath.”

Lillian straightened, causing Maddy to lift her head. “I thought you’d wait a few years.”

“No. As soon as I’m confident Emmey will be all right, I want to go.”

“I thought you’d moved past it enough—being malflowed—that it wouldn’t be so urgent.” She’d hoped Maddy would give up on the idea, though she supposed that was foolish, especially now that Maddy had received a taste of the material at Heath.

“It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, but you read Sister Lavinia’s entry,” Maddy said, echoing Lillian’s thoughts.

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