The Great Derangement by Matt Taibbi

Author:Matt Taibbi
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780385520621
Publisher: Spiegel & Grau
Published: 2009-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

1 Now a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a garland of twelve stars…

5 And she bore a male child who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron…

Hagee noted that some people interpreted the woman in Revelation 12 as being the church.

“But the church didn’t give birth to Christ,” he said. “Christ gave birth to the church. It is not the church.”

And he gave another reason why it was not the Virgin Mary, as was commonly assumed. It was, however, Israel, and this had something to do with some previous scripture involving Joseph and Israel carrying eleven stars—only Joseph himself was the twelfth star, or something like that. It was an awesome thing to watch, the way Hagee just dove up to his neck in all of this hilarious horseshit and passionately sold the audience on it actually meaning something with a perfect deadpan delivery. The audience cooed. He went back to the Four Horsemen and pointed to the fourth horse.

“This is the Pale Horse,” he warned. “He is the color of rotting flesh. He will be given the power to destroy 25 percent of the population. This is going to happen during the Tribulation. You do not want to be here.”

From here Hagee went into a long spiel about the difference between the Christ of the Gospels and the Christ of Revelation. This is an important point for people who are not fundamentalist Christians and want to understand them. The Gospels Christ is basically a long-haired, touchy-feely hippie who goes around being nice to people. The Christ of Revelation is built like the Rock and roams the universe braining sinners with lead pipes. Fundamentalists clearly prefer the Revelation Christ. Hagee explained:

“In Matthew he is the lamb being led to the slaughter. In Revelation he is the LION OF JUDAH! He is going to rule with a rod of iron!”

And when that rod-bearing Christ comes back, us unbelievers had better fucking duck:

“How is Jesus going to crush secular humanism and liberalism and anti-Semitism and atheism?” Hagee asked. “He is not going to ask the Supreme Court to put the Ten Commandments up in our courthouses. He is going to tell them, and they will bow down to him like children.”

The crowd roared.

“And those judges who let men get married—he is going to cast them down into the pit of Hell to be roasted for all eternity like they deserve!”

I raised hands in a full Freeze-Motherfucker. Go Jesus! Waste those judges!

But just when it seemed that Hagee had his crowd right where he wanted them, he switched gears and began talking about Iran and Israel. Hagee is a subtle operator. Whenever he mentions the Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, it is always moments after a long tirade about Satan. He will give hints about the Antichrist’s identity—he is not an American, says Hagee, but he is a smooth talker.

“He will come preaching peace,” said Hagee, “and he will sign treaties that he has no intention of keeping.

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