The Summer I Robbed a Bank by David O'Doherty

Author:David O'Doherty [O’Doherty, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241362242
Publisher: Penguin Random House Children's UK
Published: 2021-03-16T00:00:00+00:00

19

A Perfect Crime

‘It really is so quiet driving this bank van along at –’ I removed one hand from the invisible steering wheel and checked the clock on the imaginary dashboard – ‘two p.m. in the afternoon approximately.’

It was after dinner on Sunday. Kitty and I had been rehearsing in Derm’s shed for a day and a half. We hadn’t told Ronan and Derm what it was about, just that we’d written a theatrical piece that we’d like to perform for them. All the blinds in Derm’s kitchen were closed and we were both squashed together side by side on the same chair in the middle of the floor.

‘Yes, Driver, it is quiet. But it’s always quiet out here on the Bog Road,’ Kitty said, in her version of the pointy-faced bank teller’s voice. Her drawn-on moustache moved up and down as she spoke. ‘Whoa, slow down! Look at all those sheep on the road up ahead.’

Here I stood up, removed my hat and spoke in my normal voice. ‘You see, we’ve got sheep to block the road by putting a bunch of Derm’s carrots in the middle of it.’ I put the hat back on, sat down and said gruffly, ‘We can’t drive on with all these sheep in the way!’

‘I’ll get out and move them,’ said Kitty, again in her Pointy voice. She mimed climbing out of the door of the van and then hooshing the invisible sheep away, accompanying herself with a few quiet baas. Even if Ronan and Derm didn’t like our plan, they could still enjoy some pretty good acting.

I explained what would happen next: ‘So, you two have been hiding on either side of the road. Now there’s a chance they’ll both get out to move the sheep, in which case – perfect – you jump into the van, one each side. If only one gets out, you both get in that side, and your first job is to push the other person out. Then you lock the doors.’

Kitty wiped her moustache off with her sleeve to show that she was no longer Pointy, and demonstrated pushing me off the chair. ‘It won’t be too hard, as it’s the last thing they’ll be expecting in the middle of the Bog Road. Then you drive off.’

Ronan raised his hand.

‘Yes, question from Ronan,’ Kitty said, like she was a teacher.

‘When do I throw the smoke bomb?’

‘Zero smoke bombs, Dad, I’m afraid. Zero snorkels too.’

‘Oh, I see.’ You could tell he was quite disappointed.

‘We’re not just taking the money any more,’ I explained. ‘We’re taking the whole van.’

‘But that’s a lot more complicated,’ said Derm.

‘In a way, yes,’ I said, ‘but too many things can go wrong if you’re trying to snatch the money and run. What if the teller grabs it before Ronan does? Or what if he grabs Ronan and locks the door of the bank? What if your van decides not to start?’

Ronan put his hand up again.

‘Yes, Ronan,’ I said.

‘But won’t they be able to see who we are?’

‘Good question,’ I began.

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