Toxic Friendships by Suzanne Degges-White
Author:Suzanne Degges-White
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: undefined
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2012-01-15T05:00:00+00:00
The Twenties and Thirties
As your identity shifts from emerging adult to adult, it is typical to grow more focused in your goals and gain clarity in your social networking needs. From late adolescence onward, friendships are increasingly developed with intentionality versus conformity as the relationship motivation. As one woman in her early thirties shared, “My current friends are chosen more carefully, I listen more with a balanced attitude. I’m not holding back my voice or editing so closely to not ‘offend’ the other person. I pursue friends who I feel let me be ‘me’ and don’t criticize and judge. And being with them feels awesome!”
Unfortunately, some women may experience significant friendship conflicts prior to deciding to be more intentional in their friendship choices and before they can enjoy fully satisfying friendships. Being insulted in front of others, receiving harsh and unfounded criticism, and failing to assert oneself in a relationship can all be potential paths to crossroads in which the decision to continue or terminate a friendship must be made. However, many women have a difficult time directly addressing the shortcomings of friends.
One woman shared that she was frustrated by a friend who openly mocked her within their group of friends for being single for so long. She went on to share that she has had to “demote” her friend. She shared that “technically, I have not ‘ended’ the friendship, but it’s certainly ‘ended’ in terms of closeness.” This type of toxic behavior, such as using words to hurt other people, typically influences the way that we face a friendship crossroads juncture. Sometimes allowing relationships to naturally fade away through ignored phone messages, unanswered texts, or unanswered e-mails can be the least difficult way to let go of the friendship. However, as many women have shared, one of their biggest regrets when choosing to leave a relationship has been not taking the time or finding the courage to discuss the concern with the friend. Furthermore, those who have had the satisfaction of openly conversing about the off-the-mark behaviors generally feel much better to have cleared the air, regardless of how well or how poorly the message is received.
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