When Things Get Back to Normal by M.T. Dohaney
Author:M.T. Dohaney
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FAM014000
Publisher: Goose Lane Editions
Published: 2002-12-15T05:00:00+00:00
APRIL 7 – Monday
For lo the winter has passed. The rains have come and gone. But where is the voice of that damn turtle? The day is so beautiful, I’m certain I’ll hear a croak before night falls. Today I can even believe that after spring there’ll be a summer. Winter was fiercely cold. It matched my heart. A warm summer is predicted. How I wish I could be in harmony with the upcoming season.
I made out a new will. Ever since my internal world went into a state of flux, I have had a pressing need to bring order to my external surroundings.
This afternoon I made lists of important papers and financial holdings in the hope the children won’t have to search desk drawers should morning come without me around to help usher it in. I emptied my safety deposit box and removed the obsolete material. I even cleaned out all the closets and drawers in the house. I threw out (or gave away) the clothes I know now I’ll never shorten, lengthen, let out or take in; the pictures I’ll never frame; the crocheted squares (your mother’s) that I’ll never turn into an afghan, and the photographs I’ll never paste in an album. It was like facing up to a lie. Deep down I think I always knew I’d never do these things, but as long as I had a future, I could fool myself into believing I would get to them someday. When the weather gets warmer, I’ll attack the garage and throw into a heap the half-finished projects you were certain you would do in some vague and distant future.
It is possible that this purge is a red herring to keep me from facing the decision on the house? Sell? Keep? Take a roomer? Buy a smaller home? Rent an apartment? None of the above?
Night after night I lie in bed going over the same unpalatable options. I face the morning tired and angry. How can I be expected to know what I should or should not do? I’m a grieving person. A walking wound. Just because the distracted and disconnected look has gone from my face doesn’t mean I’m in any fit state to make important decisions.
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