Work with Me: The 8 Blind Spots Between Men and Women in Business by Barbara Annis & John Gray

Author:Barbara Annis & John Gray [Annis, Barbara]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Palgrave Macmillan
Published: 2013-05-13T14:00:00+00:00

THE PERSONAL SIDE OF LIFE: DATING AND PARENTING

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Without an understanding of women’s customs and manners, a man may think he’s putting his best foot forward on a first date and unknowingly turn his companion off. As long as she’s asking him questions, he’ll continue to talk about himself. He assumes this is what she expects, and he’s more than happy to oblige.

Men don’t typically share the same manners as women. Women demonstrate consideration and caring for others by asking questions and being careful not to dominate the conversation. When two women come together, typically one starts out by asking questions and listening with interest. Then after a short while, they’ll switch roles and the first questioner-listener will tell about herself while the other woman listens and asks questions.

This alternating manner of listening and sharing is significant in a woman’s communication process. It also becomes her expectation when on a date. If she shows interest in the man, she’ll assume that he’ll show interest in her. So she’ll continue to ask questions, thinking that he’ll eventually “get it” and ask her about herself. She could be waiting quite a while though. A man often doesn’t understand that he’s supposed to reciprocate and show his interest in her by asking her questions about herself and by listening with genuine attentiveness.

Women don’t play by the same rules as men. It’s not in a woman’s “book of manners” to interrupt. Whether instinctually or as a result of her upbringing or culture, interrupting someone just doesn’t commonly feel natural. She’ll tend to ask questions first, then wait her turn to speak.

A man, on the other hand, is often comfortable with interrupting another man when in a discussion. Neither of them actually considers it an interruption. A friendly, non-personal intrusion in the middle of a sentence is something a man can often expect, and he’ll just roll with it. In a way, not taking turns talking tends to make the whole process of communication much easier for men.

A man incorrectly assumes that if his date is not talking, she probably has nothing to say. Correspondingly, a woman mistakenly assumes that if he is not asking her questions, then he’s probably not interested in her. The challenge for women is in knowing how and when to interrupt a man. Asking permission to interrupt with questions such as, “May I ask you a question?” or “Can I say something?” tends to show insecurity and breaks the flow of conversation. A man expects a woman simply to join in, which is what she should feel comfortable doing.

The challenge for a man is to realize that showing interest in her by asking questions, instead of trying to impress her with his own thoughts on life and his personal accomplishments, is a far more effective way of having her develop an interest in him.

Rhetorical questions are fine when you’re trying to make a point in a persuasive speech, but they are counterproductive when asking for cooperation, whether in one’s professional or personal life.

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