Your Year for Change by Bronnie Ware

Author:Bronnie Ware
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2014-09-11T00:00:00+00:00

27

LETTING IT BE

If a dog is standing at a fence barking, chances are it would do almost anything to get out of the yard and enjoy the freedom. Yet this morning when I was out walking, a dog was barking to get back in to a yard. It was a chilly morning, so perhaps the lure of a cozy cushion by the fire was even more enticing than the adventure of freedom that had come from a fence-jump in the night. Thankfully, the dog was heard and the gate opened. In it ran, wagging its tail, full of fun and gratitude.

Letting some people into your life is not always as easy as that, though, despite it being clear that they want in as much as that little dog wanted in the yard. If someone has hurt you repeatedly over time, a part of you naturally wants to build a fence or a wall to further protect yourself from the risk of more pain.

This coping mechanism comes from a place of hurt, often developed over years, based on belief systems that may no longer serve you well. Rather than putting yourself in the position to risk being exposed to similar behavior, your efforts now go into keeping the person or people out. This can take a lot more energy than you realize.

When I looked after dying people, one regret that surfaced from them regularly was the wish that they had been more courageous in expressing themselves, that they had been more honest. As you find your bravery and practice honesty more often, you improve speaking this way, until it becomes easier and easier, a more natural extension of yourself.

But what if that honesty is expressed and you don’t receive the reaction you long for? This is when you realize that the release of expression was actually for your own healing, not necessarily also for the benefit of the other person. It can open healing on both sides and often does, but not always. For some, hearing such expression is too confronting. Speaking in detail about their past actions, particularly if they are ashamed of themselves and are yet to reach a place of self-forgiveness, is simply too difficult.

On occasion, too, some people genuinely do not understand just how much pain they have caused. In these cases, your need for expression is often consuming, as you want them to know how much they hurt you. To make them accountable for their words or actions feels like it could ease your own pain. It takes a lot of compassion and courage to let go at such times and remember that it truly doesn’t matter in the end. Life is the best teacher. The person may not suffer through consciously knowing the pain they caused you, but any seeds sown in life reap their results in one way or another. You don’t need to be the vigilante and fix things in others. Life catches up to everyone.

Sorry is a huge word. It can mend years of pain in a brief moment.

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