All That Is Mine I Carry With Me by William Landay

Author:William Landay [Landay, William]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2023-03-07T00:00:00+00:00

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A hundred years after she was shut out of the Bowers home—or maybe only a few weeks; Miranda lost track of time for a while—my little girl trudged to the lake, a block from the house. It was August now, end of summer, always a mournful season for her. The day was so thick with humid heat, you could hear the air ticking like a hot oven.

At the lake there were some older kids, teenagers lounging in the grass in their bathing suits. The braver girls wore bikinis. The boys eyed them like predators.

Miranda took a seat on a bench in the shade, as far from the sunbathers as possible. She wished she’d brought a book, not to read it but to wall these people out. Her sadness made the sight of happy people infuriating, isolating, as if the world were a big, rollicking party that she was not invited to. Yet she still wanted to be near them, to spy on the party.

A policeman came to stand by her bench. He wore a short-sleeve navy blue summer uniform and Ray-Ban aviators.

Miranda looked up. There was no mistaking him, the blot on his forehead. “It’s you,” she said.

“It’s me. You mind if I sit here?”

“It’s a free country.”

Tom Glover sat down at the very end of the bench, leaving a wide space between them. He took off his glasses, folded them, put them in his shirt pocket.

Miranda: “What are you doing here?”

“Working.”

“Here? Doing what?”

“Watching the lake.”

“In case someone tries to steal it?”

He smiled. “In case someone tries to jump in.”

“They’re not supposed to jump in?”

“They’re supposed to go over to the swimming area, where the lifeguards are. It’s safer. They’re not supposed to jump in here.”

“Everybody jumps in here.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t you stop them?”

“It’s too hot. I’m not gonna hassle a bunch of kids for swimming.”

“But you just said it’s against the law.”

“True.” He folded his arms, stretched out his legs in the direction of the lake, and slid down on the bench a little. “You think I should arrest ’em all? Or just shoot ’em?”

“I just figured, if it’s a rule…”

“Well, I don’t think we’ll descend into anarchy if a few kids jump in the lake.”

She turned to look at him. His uniform with the Newton Police shoulder patch, polished black shoes. He looked handsome in it.

He said, “How come you’re not swimming?”

“Don’t feel like it.”

“You don’t like swimming?”

“No, I just don’t feel like it right now.”

A beat.

“You doing okay, Miranda?”

“No.”

“You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“No. I don’t really feel like talking.”

“Okay.”

They sat awhile, watching the party. Laughter, chatter, splashing.

“You’re not going to find her, are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not what you said before.”

He grunted. “I’m still looking.”

“I know you won’t find her. It’s okay. You don’t have to lie.”

“Why do you think we won’t find her?”

“I just don’t believe him anymore.”

“Your father, you mean.”

No response.

“Why don’t you believe him?”

“I just don’t.”

“Did something happen?”

Miranda thought of her dad standing in the doorway of the Bowers home and their reaction to him.

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