Instant Anger Management by Aaron Karmin

Author:Aaron Karmin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2021-08-04T21:01:44+00:00

If someone else isn’t ready for or doesn’t want feedback, it’s counterproductive to offer it. The need to give others ­unsolicited advice is rooted in unexpressed anger. As a result, our advice often comes across as judgmental, authoritative, or self-serving. Our focus is on others rather than where it should be: on ourselves. We need to manage our own anger by expressing it naturally and constructively, so we can stay in our own lane.

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Stop dishing out advice to others. Much of the advice we think is helpful actually has the opposite effect. It makes the situation worse and causes people to feel angry or misunderstood. If we find ourselves frustrated—because we are trying to help by offering others what we think is really great advice, and they’re not taking it—it’s time to change tactics. We need to let other people be themselves rather than tell them how to be. Our goal is to refocus and strive to live a life filled with genuine joy, love, and peace.

Specifically, we can catch ourselves wanting to give someone what we are sure is good advice: “This is what I would do” or “This is what we should do.” Do not give advice. Instead, you can find out what is preventing someone from taking appropriate action on their own behalf. Here are some additional steps.

Stop and be silent when feeling the impulse to tell other people about themselves. Practice listening to their feelings, perceptions, and opinions without judgment when the impulse to spout advice arises.

Before offering an opinion, check within. If your intuition confirms it’s all right, lovingly ask if it’s okay and receive permission before plunging ahead: “I’d like to give you some feedback. Is that okay?” If you get a no, you can ask a couple more times to see if they want to reconsider—but a consistent no means no. If you get a yes, ask again to make sure the other person is not just being polite.

If someone is open to what you have to say, you can go forward with kindness, offering an opinion, and without arguing with the other person’s reaction or trying to convince.

Let others know that you can elaborate if they want additional information.

Accept that we each have our own personal truth.

Recognize we are only accountable for ourselves. Spend energy on living life with respect and personal integrity.

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